du_vallon | (no subject)

Lito feels as if he has been assaulted by a sharp sword, because he did not do that. He bows his head to hide the fall of his features, guilt and pain and sorrow at losing Hernando for not doing that exact thing. "If they can take your career away, though, and you have worked all your life for it..."

He shakes his head. "And if you lost your commission for him?" he asks, as if Porthos is not standing right there beside him.

"I'd give it all up," Porthos cuts in, because while he hadn't been addressed (and he doesn't like being ignored), he feels like he has to say something. "Aramis is right. If you really love someone, then you should pick them. And if you lose your career, be it acting or the Musketeers, then you both find something new together."

He grimaces, because it's been hard getting Athos on board with that, but it's what he feels in his heart.

"If an actor loves his career more than his lover, then so be it," says Aramis, for he knows some men would put it all aside for purpose or duty, even if he has never been one of them.

"But there is nothing I would not give up for Porthos, and if I had only lost my commission at home instead of my life for loving him, I'd have found a way to make us both happy again. I don't mean to say it would be easy," he adds, looking at Lito. "Far from it. But for him I would do it."

"Then you are very brave to put everything on the line. I have known many friends and actors who did not, because they had seen what happens to gay men in the movie business," Lito says, serious and calm. He thinks, though, that if Hernando were here, he might begin to think otherwise. "I have seen careers ruined."

"Not that it matters to me," he adds. "I had a lovely girlfriend at home, though, Daniela, who had a dear friend who was gay. And he risked losing his career because of it."

Porthos eyes Lito again, starting to cut the fish next as he expertly wields his knife and glances at Aramis pointedly, wondering why he's brought them a drunken, babbling, confusing man. Then again, he's also a bit soppy and romantic for the things that Aramis has said. "So, why is it you care so much about whether Aramis goes into things? Because he might be successfully and married to a man?" he challenges.

"I am not going to go into things," says Aramis, standing when he senses Porthos growing agitated. He places a hand at the small of his back. "Not when I can simply stand there for pictures and they will give me money for it."

He rubs Porthos' back soothingly, watching Lito seem to wrestle with himself. It looks exhausting. "This dear friend of Daniela's," he says, "I am glad he had her to confide in, then. It must be terrible to struggle with so much and have no one to talk to."

Lito eyes the both of them with no small amount of envy, for he cannot have what they do, he cannot do anything but ache and dream for it. He reaches for the bottle of wine to top himself off, feeling as if he needs it more than ever. He tops it all the way to the brim, drinking it down eagerly. "He is worried," he murmurs. "People where I come from, they're not so open minded."

"I have to start modelling as well. Brian is starting to book me gigs, to get back into things."

Porthos leans back into the touch gratefully, not sure why he can get so riled up about these things, but he is. "Do you have personal experience with that, then?" Porthos asks cautiously, because he hates when being aren't honest about themselves. Aramis can poke him if he's prodding too much, but despite the ease of Lito's talk and the lack of deceit, it doesn't ring right to him.

"I believe Darrow would be kinder than your home," Aramis adds, though he does not say just kinder to who, Lito or this friend of his girlfriend's.

"I did not know you had a girlfriend," he continues. "Sometimes I think you miss someone - it must be her. What is she like?"

Lito is still unsure of this, having been in the business for so many years now that he feels he has enough experience to know just what the business would do to him. "Daniela is spirited and beautiful," he says, smiling with genuine fondness now as he begins to talk of her. He does love her, but he's not in love with her. "And I miss her so deeply with all my heart that it aches to be here, and to see you two so happy."

"But I have been seeing someone new," he says. "Demelza. She's very kind and good-hearted."

Porthos raises a brow as he throws the fish together with the acids, holding a piece out for Aramis to try as Lito talks about both this Daniela from home and someone from here. So maybe he's like the both of them and goes both ways, but Porthos can't help but suspect that Lito might have a part of himself he's not acknowledging.

"I felt that way, seeing Aramis with other people sometimes," he confesses. "Here, in Darrow. It made me beyond jealous, to see him shared without me there."

"I barely saw anyone before I confessed my feelings for you," says Aramis with a smile. He squeezes Porthos' shoulder, leaning in for another bite of that fish. "Porthos does an amazing ceviche," he tells Lito. "I am glad you have found new love, monsieur, but what if your Daniela arrives here? Our Athos did."

If Hernando arrived, Lito suspects he would drop everything and everyone in order to be with him, but given his arrangement with Demelza, it might be hard to cut away because there is nothing that he is leading her towards. "Daniela is very open-minded," Lito promises, hand reaching out before he can stop himself, bad habits coming back to him.

"Perhaps we would be three," he says, given that it is what it is at home.

What it had been.

"Is that normal?" Porthos asks warily, because he hadn't thought it so easy, but Lito talks about it like it isn't really a problem. "I mean, convincing Athos into it...well, it took ages and I'm pretty sure we almost lost his friendship." To think that it's something they could have pointed to as an example of normalness boggles Porthos' mind, a touch.

"It is uncommon, I think," says Aramis, though he does not know this Demelza - perhaps she will be keen on it. He will not judge her if she is, of course, and smiles at Lito. "I enjoy open minded people. If only everyone could be so."

"I wish the whole world could be like that," he agrees, patting a napkin to his lips. "Excuse me. The washroom?" he asks, but already heads off to explore. He has had too much to drink and suspects he needs a moment to get his bearings to himself. He locks the door after himself, breathing in and out unsteadily, feeling completely off-kilter.

Porthos leans to the side to make sure Lito is actually locked away before he gives Aramis a disbelieving scoff. "Your friend is weird," is all he says in French. "Does he always give such impassioned speeches about being gay ruining your career? Seems like a bit much to deal with."

"Only sometimes," says Aramis, looking after Lito with a furrowed brow. "It never sits right with me." He wanders towards the couch, intending to sit again with his wine when he notices a wedge of something metallic on the floor. He lifts it and realizes it must be Lito's phone.

He really should not, but rarely has Aramis been able to resist a bit of mischief, and he thumbs it swiftly to its photos. There are views he does not recognize, and abruptly Aramis realizes that this must be an artifact from Lito's home. And this - Aramis' brows climb - this is definitely a man's arse he's looking down at, and a masculine cut of a jaw he can only just detect as the portrait's subject looks over his shoulder.

The sink in the bathroom cuts off, and Aramis throws the phone down abruptly, joining Porthos in the kitchen with an excited puff of air.

Porthos keeps working on dinner, sipping his wine, and he gives Aramis a confounded look when he comes bursting into the kitchen. "What?" he hisses. "What is it? What did you see?" he demands, knowing that Aramis must have found something to drive him to such excitements.

"Daniela is a man," he says in a rush, "Or perhaps Lito is already three, and there is a man as well. I don't know," he whispers furiously, "But either way there is a very handsome man's arse in his phone. I think he had curly hair," he realizes, looking up at Porthos.'

That certainly explains a thing or two.

Lito finishes drying his hands and comes back out to see Aramis staring at Porthos' head of curls strangely. He has a terrible feeling in his gut, but wanders back to the counter to pour himself new wine, not daring to bring up a topic lest it be brought up for him. "Do you also pose for pictures?" he asks politely, of Porthos.

Porthos runs a hand self-consciously through his curls, hoping that Aramis confronts this issue with some tact. God knows Porthos is bad at that, sometimes, and he'd hate to put Lito in a spot that's uncomfortable. And yet, the other part of him wants to learn as much as possible because it is a bit juicy, isn't it?

"He does," Aramis answers for Porthos. "He had a later start than I did. I actually began it as a way to save for our engagement, and then for our wedding. Now we are saving for our home and a child," he adds, almost bursting with it. "Did you and your Daniela try for a family?"

Lito blinks, both stunned for the question and the news. "Congratulations," he says, impressed and taken aback. "But no, Daniela and I were only together for a few months before I got here. I don't even know that children are something either of us ever wanted." That's the truth. He and Hernando never talked about a future like that, because they could never even be public.

Kids never factored in.

Porthos reaches over for Aramis' hand to give it a happy squeeze, an encouragement and a hope. "Here's hoping it takes," he agrees, setting things in a bowl and putting them in the fridge while he digs out tortillas to heat them in oil in the oven. "You seem pretty upset to have left her, for only a few months together," he can't help but observe.